How Do I Get Our House Ready for a Home Birth?

I'll start with a confession. The night our daughter Amani was born, our hot water heater was drained and we couldn't fill the birth tub fast enough. Katie was deep in contractions and the baby was coming fast. Our midwife looked at me and told me to go boil the water. Literally.

It makes a good story now, and it's where the book's title comes from. It also taught me that getting the house ready is worth doing properly.

What does a home birth setup actually look like?

Probably calmer than you're picturing. Most men imagine chaos. The reality is closer to this, from Sarah's description of her son's birth:

"At 12 am, the tub was blown up, the fireplace lit and stringy lights glowed softly in the living room. Worship music saturated our home while my midwife and her team set everything up for delivery."

Sarah, birth mother

That's what you're aiming for. Low light, warmth, quiet or music she chose, and a team that shows up knowing what to do. Most of that calm comes from choices you made ahead of time.

What supplies do we need for a home birth?

Your midwife will give you a list, and it's specific to her practice, so go by hers. Common items include waterproof covers for the bed, plenty of old towels, trash bags, supplies for after the birth, and snacks and drinks for your wife (and for you). If you're using a birth pool, you'll need the pool, a liner, a hose that fits your faucet, and a way to drain it.

Make the list your project. Order everything early, put it in one place, and have it ready by the last month. Babies don't always wait for the due date.

Then do a test run:

• Set up the pool and fill it once, timing how long it takes.
• Check that your water heater can keep up. Learn from my mistake.
• Make sure the room stays warm enough for a newborn.
• Know where everything is so you can grab it without thinking.

Which room should she labor in?

Ask her, and pay attention to where she relaxes. Walk through your house and notice which room feels most like peace. Where do the two of you naturally exhale? Where does the noise of the day not quite reach?

That room is a good place to start. Then ask what it would take to make it feel ready. I don't mean medically ready. I mean what needs to be in it, and what needs to stay out.

What should I ask her before labor?

This is the part most of us skip, and it matters more than the supplies.

Sit down with your wife some weeks before the due date, on purpose rather than in passing, and ask:

• What kind of light does she want? Music, or quiet?
• Does she want to be touched during contractions? Where, and how?
• What should you say, and what should you not say?
• Who does she want in the room, and who would she rather not have there?

Write down her answers. Then go over them again as the due date gets closer.

I didn't ask Katie most of these questions before Amani's birth. I figured I'd watched her through two hospital births and knew what she needed. But at home she was more inward and instinctive, and less interested in my input than I expected. I was in the right place, by her side, but I'd have been more useful if I'd asked first.

One mom in our survey said the same thing in her own way. She wished she'd had more physical touch during contractions, then added, "that was more on me for not communicating it beforehand." Neither of you will be able to explain much in the middle of labor, so have the conversation now.

Chapter 4 of the book covers what home birth actually looks like, and Chapter 5 includes the full set of questions to ask her.