Quick answer
Mostly, you're on your knees beside a warm pool. You keep water and towels close, press on her back or hold her hands over the edge, and stay out of the midwife's way. Some partners get in the pool with her, so ask about that ahead of time. A lot of your work happens before labor: setting up the pool, doing a test fill, and making sure you have enough hot water.
Key takeaways
- Much of the partner's water birth work happens before labor, setting up and test-filling the pool and checking the hot water.
- Many women labor in water for comfort, and some give birth there. Your midwife guides what's safe in the moment.
- During labor you'll mostly be kneeling at the edge of the pool, close enough to touch her and out of the midwife's way.
- Ask her ahead of time whether she wants you in the pool with her.
- Have towels, dry clothes, and a plan for draining the pool, because cleanup is part of it too.
Our daughter Amani was born in a warm tub in our bedroom. Getting that tub filled is the reason the book is called what it is.
Our hot water heater had been drained, and we couldn't fill the tub fast enough. Katie was rolling into hard contractions, and our midwife, Gloria, told me to go boil the water. So I did.
If your wife is planning to use a birth pool, here's what it's actually like from the partner's side, starting well before labor.
Why do women labor in water?
Mostly for comfort. Warm water takes some of the weight off her body and gives her room to move and change positions.
The research backs up part of that. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists says laboring in water during the first stage may offer some benefits, including a shorter labor and less use of epidurals. A 2018 Cochrane review also found that women who labored in water used less epidural or spinal pain relief.
Giving birth in the water is where the medical groups differ. ACOG recommends that the baby be born on land, and says there's no evidence that delivering in water benefits the baby. Many home birth midwives attend water births, and the evidence on birth in water is limited. That's a conversation to have with your midwife well before labor, so you both know her approach and what would make her ask your wife to get out of the pool.
What does the partner do before labor?
This is your project. The pool is gear, and gear is something most of us know how to handle.
You'll usually need the pool, a liner, a hose that fits your faucet, and a way to drain it afterward. Set it up once in the room you'll use. Fill it all the way and time how long it takes. Then check whether your water heater can keep up, because a pool holds a lot more hot water than a bathtub.
I can tell you from experience what happens if you skip that step. You end up boiling water on the stove.
Make sure the room can stay warm, too, both for her and for the baby. I wrote more about getting the house ready for a home birth, including the supply list.
What do I do while she's in the pool?
Mostly, you kneel. Put a pillow or a folded towel under your knees, because you might be there a while.
From the edge of the pool you can still do almost everything you'd do anywhere else. Hold her hands when she wants to grip something. Press on her lower back if she's leaning over the side. Keep a drink within reach and a cool cloth for her face. Watch her more than the clock.
The midwife will keep an eye on your wife, the baby, and the water. Let her do that. If something about the pool needs changing, like adding hot water, ask her first rather than reaching for the hose on your own.
And keep your voice low. The room at a water birth tends to get very quiet.
Should I get in the pool with her?
Some partners do, and some women love having their husband behind them in the water to lean on. Others want the pool to themselves.
Ask her ahead of time, then ask the midwife how she feels about it. If the answer is maybe, keep swim trunks or shorts nearby so you're ready either way. And be ready for the answer to change during labor. What she wants at 2 a.m. may not match what she said at 30 weeks, and that's fine.
What's it like when the baby comes?
For us, it came fast. Once the tub was finally full, Gloria took one look at Katie and said, without any panic in her voice, "It's time to get in the tub. Your baby is coming fast." A few pushes later, Amani was here.
Your job in those minutes is small. Stay close and have warm towels ready. Do what the midwife asks, when she asks. Some partners are invited to help catch the baby. My friend Rowan did exactly that at his daughter Frankie's water birth, and he had no idea he was even allowed until the midwife asked him. (Here's my full interview with Rowan.) If catching your baby is something you'd want, talk about it with your midwife ahead of time.
What happens after a water birth?
The midwife will guide your wife out of the pool when it's time, and you'll be the one holding towels and steadying her as she climbs out. Then the room shifts into the golden hour, and protecting that time is your job.
The pool still has to be drained and packed away. The midwife's team often handles a lot of the cleanup quietly in the background. Melissa, a mom of four home births, called her midwife team "little birth fairies working in the background." Even so, know the plan for draining the pool before the night arrives, and have a dry set of clothes for yourself. You'll probably need them.
If she ends up not using the pool at all, that's fine too. Many women labor in the water for comfort and then move out to give birth, and some never get in. The pool is one tool among many. Your job stays the same wherever she is. (Here's more on what a husband does during a home birth.)
Chapter 4 of the book, What Is "Home," Anyway?, covers what the birth space looks like, and Chapter 6, Go Boil the Water, covers your role once labor starts.
Goes deeper in
Chapter 4, What Is "Home," Anyway? and Chapter 6, Go Boil the Water of Go Boil the Water: A Partner's Guide to Supporting Homebirth.
